Inlove with my fling

I can now say with confidence and certainty that I did fall inlove with said Mr. Usually that would be a good thing, it is for most atleast but sadly for me that isn't the case.

See my problem is this, i got me in a what they call "casual relationship" for alot of people that's apparently normal or so they keep saying but it's different with me i seem to be incapable of doing the casual thing.., the fact that i went and got myself inlove with the dude being proof of this.

How do people do this thing? Be with someone months and not get emotionally attached? He treats me so great most of the time then he gives me nothing emotionally. I want so badly to believe that he cares even the slightest but my brain, it functions and it's telling me otherwise.

I'm not the fling type, i came in this knowing that but still did it anyway and now i'm constantly hurting wishing i could have more.

I don't even know what my next move is... Hopefully he'll say he feels the same but i'm not holding my breath.

This is me

I feel alot more than i'd like to admit i feel. I bottle up my emotions and let them tear me up from my insides. I keep trying to teach myself to just let go but don't seem to really know how. So now everythings crumbling around me, my hate is turning to indifference my like to love and i don't know what to do with it. I keep searching some solution, something to make it all just mellow out but i can't find that thing. So now i've tried a new thing i expressed the one emotion i was most scared to admit to and i'm getting no response. I figure chances are i'll get something negative since i'm a pessimist and all but i'd much rather acknowledgment, just an i hear you and i'm not going anywhere.
I'm scared. I put myself out there. I've nowhere to run. And still all this emotions churning, burning tearing me apart.

Oh no you're not

If he's willing to cheat with you, he's gonna cheat on you. #fact

i'm a firm believer in the above and i can bet with research (i'm sure there's a bored scientist willing to) it can indeed be proven.

So the reason this has come to my mind is i bumped into an old friend today. A man that i wanted insanely to fall inlove with but he wasn't interested. He was all about the sex, he wanted it bad but i couldn't give it to him, that's not what i'm about. This whole time guy had girlfriends (he tried for abit).

Then today i meet him, that confident smile acting like he owned me. I find out he has a wife and child but he's still trying to get me to get with him. Telling me when the wifes not home.
Furious! Even with a child he can't behave?

If he's willing to cheat with you, he's gonna cheat on you. #fact

A letter to my love

I can't do this, thought i could handle it still be with you when you obviously belong to another. You may be single in paper and in talk but in your heart i'm sure you know. Much as i've enjoyed every moment, much as i have nothing really to complain about the fact that you're not mine atleast not really means i can't be happy so i have to let you go. I need to move on.
So here's your moment, go get yourself together, take a couple of breaths tell her goodbye. I know it's hard to get over exes that's why i'm giving you time. If we are as amazing as we say, we'll pick it up when you're free to be mine, till then adios love. I'll miss you.

Frustrate me..

Today has been such a strange day. Been in a terrible mood all day now i'm overly anxious to see my little sister just her face puts me in a good mood such a doll.

Anyway, back to my bad mood. After intense soul searching and evaluation i've discovered my major cause of the anger and boiling rage. What I discovered wasn't too pleasing considering i can't really change this "factor".

So my question is how do I change me so I can handle myself appropriately during this angry moments. Considering the source is actually a permanent fixture in my life.

YNWA!

So today my sexy 11 boyfriend did me proud. Have to admit i was thoroughly tense before the game started but the moment the whistle went and the got that ball out in the field.. Smiley face. I'm exremely excited.
The bigger joy of it all ofcourse being that we were playing manchester united, a team i like most of the sane world hate so kicking their asses.. Words can't even explain.

Go liverpool!

Hallo happy

And like the true rollercoaster ride once you been down to the bottom the only way to go is up! :)
so if you haven't guessed it already this young lady is happy. Bouncing off walls type of happiness. It's such a good day. Got up early watched cartoons while having my breakey, prepared lunch for my family which had gone to church now i'm just chilling watching my baby sister play as i watch the news :)

Funny how contradictory my days have been in comparison to each other but i'm awefully glad that little nutty sadness thing is over.

Yeah..