loves fool

I want you to play
I need you to stay

I’ll sacrifice whatever
Simply for your pleasure

If it makes me your fool
Well baby, it’s cool

I can do anything
Just to have you

Let me show you
Allow me this chance

To be yours
Love you this once

rain...

Down comes the rain
Fazing out my sobs
Hiding all the pain
From weeks of missing you

There’s nothing I could do
No words left to say
I simply had to watch you walk away

Insomnic rumbles

Lying in my bed listening to heavy metal wondering where all the time went. Just the other day I was 13 acting all crazy with my brother and now it's 11years gone, i'm 24 brotherless. Sigh

Where does it go?

We plan our days, schedule events, meetings, friends and family. Yet it still isn't enough.
If you really sit and think about it. Evaluate time.. I think you'd go crazy. Really.

Renovate Me!

It's so easy to complain isn't it? Tear apart each moment of the day, picking at every little thing that went wrong.
Such an easy fete, blaming the world for our pain - my pain. Taking no responsibility for the failures and distructive paths we may have chosen along the way.

It reaches a point though, a place between falling apart and moving forward.
A little intersection.

I'm at that point, that place that intersection.

I choose wisdom,
i'm taking charge of me,
no more nonesense excuse.

What about you?

I miss you

I'm here again like clock work, thinking the same thoughts.
I may have stopped wishing years ago but the missing won't go away.
Another year.. Funny how everyone seems to just move on and here I am again. Drowning in pain and anger.
You were my best friend, the only person I trusted.
You had my heart, knew me inside out and then you left.
For the longest time I felt I was responsible, like God was punishing me for loving you too much.
Eventually I got over that but I still longed for your company.
Now all this years have past, and i've grown and I wonder how it would have been if you were here.

I miss you bro, i'll never forget you.

R.I.P

Inlove with my fling

I can now say with confidence and certainty that I did fall inlove with said Mr. Usually that would be a good thing, it is for most atleast but sadly for me that isn't the case.

See my problem is this, i got me in a what they call "casual relationship" for alot of people that's apparently normal or so they keep saying but it's different with me i seem to be incapable of doing the casual thing.., the fact that i went and got myself inlove with the dude being proof of this.

How do people do this thing? Be with someone months and not get emotionally attached? He treats me so great most of the time then he gives me nothing emotionally. I want so badly to believe that he cares even the slightest but my brain, it functions and it's telling me otherwise.

I'm not the fling type, i came in this knowing that but still did it anyway and now i'm constantly hurting wishing i could have more.

I don't even know what my next move is... Hopefully he'll say he feels the same but i'm not holding my breath.

This is me

I feel alot more than i'd like to admit i feel. I bottle up my emotions and let them tear me up from my insides. I keep trying to teach myself to just let go but don't seem to really know how. So now everythings crumbling around me, my hate is turning to indifference my like to love and i don't know what to do with it. I keep searching some solution, something to make it all just mellow out but i can't find that thing. So now i've tried a new thing i expressed the one emotion i was most scared to admit to and i'm getting no response. I figure chances are i'll get something negative since i'm a pessimist and all but i'd much rather acknowledgment, just an i hear you and i'm not going anywhere.
I'm scared. I put myself out there. I've nowhere to run. And still all this emotions churning, burning tearing me apart.