Not just dreaming..

On days like this, slow with nothing much to do. Lying in my bed staring at the ceiling. It's heard not to think. Even harder not to imagine, envision a remarkable future filled with joy and all the worlds pleasures.
My mind wanders alot, I let my mind wander. I feel it would be pointless to live without a little dreaming, without my dreams I wouldn't be here and tomorrow.. Will be remarkable.

Destiny knocks too damn loud.

    I'm in a really strange mood today, i'm really happy cuz I have an opportunity to start something new and fresh, feels like the time for me to do what I've always dreamt has come (the what will be revealed when the time comes) yet on the other hand I feel this deep sadness like something has died, like I've just lost something.

    I would like to concentrate on the positive be happy that I've been here seen what I've seen and embrace the future with a big smile o my face but it's so ad to pretend that change doesn't scare me. to pretend that failure, doesn't scare me cuz it does. I face my future afraid.. who does that? Oh everyone lol!! I've kept pushing this forward for so long but now I realize you can't run away from your destiny.

   It's hilarious how you can envision something all your life but never do it not because the opportunity to doesn't arise but because you are too darn chicken to get off your you know what and make the dream a reality.

   I've decided, today to open that door, hope the grim reaper isn't on the other side.

I'm glad I wasn't your type.

    I remember when it all came tumbling down, all of the nasty emotions that churned within me. I remember wondering what went wrong, and what was wrong with me. But now i’m looking at you and I see what you really are.. I look at her and… I thank God I wasn’t your type.

Just Smile :)

I guess to many it may be just another day but if you really think about it, it's not. It's a new 24 hours of life, filled with beautiful and utterly crap moments. So what, if shit seems to be going on all around you you're ALIVE so just...

SMILE!!

Monday morning, saturday morning all mornings are shit!

I'm clearly in a shit mood today. I hate this random dark cloud hanging over my head days.

Guess i'll just stay in bed and listen to music.
Hope you guys are having a good day. *smiley face*

Bad miss good samaritan...

So yesterday on my way home, I met this kid asking for money to go home. Just a little background on me I'm not really trusting... But I have a bitch of a conscience so after some questioning and staring the kid down for a bit I decided I'd get on the bus with him then pay at-least then I'd know for sure the money was going to transport right? so I payed for his transport to the city and I'd figured when we got there I'd leave him to figure the rest out but I looked at him and imagined me all stranded in a city where no one really trusts anyone or gives a flying you know what for that matter and I just couldn't leave him there. So I payed for his next trip, keep in mind I hadn't carried enough money yesterday for all of that (plus I had done some impulse this and thats).

So yes I paid the kids fare and there I was stranded myself.. Well not exactly. Twas quite interesting knowing if I didn't have options I'd have put myself in a real fix but I felt so much better knowing I didn't leave him marooned in the big bad city.

Makes me wonder though was I helping hm for him? Or for my own peace of mind?

Body heat..

Lying in my bed tired after long day and all I can think about is how badly I need someone. I know it's totally lame, epic gayness but I do and there isn't anything I can do to change how I feel. It's crazy how it reaches a point in your life when the opposite sex becomes a need (or same sex, i don't discriminate). Why is that? Is it because society has etched it in our mind that when you a certain age you should be married with kids? Is it biologicaly part of us? Or is it just a psychological thing dependant on an individual?

I don't know what it is and honestly right now i couldn't care less. All I know is I need to cuddle, snuggle up agaist a warm human being an fall deep asleep. I doubt that it's too much to ask.