Saturday, October 24, 2009

Confused screams

So this is turning out to be one of those randomly emotional weekends! I hate this! I can't even tell you what is causing this sudden need to express, to vent, to scream out! Okay I lie by now we all know the main reason for this sudden burst of emotion but I know better than admit i'm weak. I know better than admit I fooled myself into thinking this little "game" we're playing is anything more than that.

I still toy with the idea. Alittle hope we could call it for something i really need. Not too sure what that is yet but i do need it...

Maybe i'll get it.. Just maybe..

Complicated

Love? Is that what I thought it was? Mad, angry.. All this emotions are way too many. Can't stand this up and down, yo-yo nonesense.
Why can't everything just make sense all the time? Human beings are a puzzle. Guess that makes me one as well, but i surely can't be that complex can I?

Sigh

Friday, October 23, 2009

Is it really love?

So here I am. Another day my heart beating fast at the thought of him. It's strange how zaney i get whenever he crosses my mind. I don't think i'm inlove though can't be..

I'm I?

Haven't really talked to him in a couple of hours and those felt like a lifetime. I'm so amused by this. I keep stopping to ask myself.. Are you 16 again? Lol! Quite fascinating how rejuvinating caring for some else is.

So no, I know i'm not inlove. Atleast not yet, but I sure hope I eventually i'm.

A choice made

I don't feel this life thing nowadays. Everyday always leads to some random moments of depressed sadness. I hate it! Especially since i'm usually a big ball of sunshine and laughs.

What is it that happened to the human race that we constantly search for perfection? Our every action aimed not at being the best we can be but at some unrealistic quest for that perfection. Giving up so much to find it not realizing we really can't achieve it. No matter how hard we try we always end up here.. Sad, dissapointed and depressed.

I'm done with that.

A choice made

I don't feel this life thing nowadays. Everyday always leads to some random moments of depressed sadness. I hate it! Especially since i'm usually a big ball of sunshine and laughs.

What is it that happened to the human race that we constantly search for perfection? Our every action aimed not at being the best we can be but at some unrealistic quest for that perfection. Giving up so much to find it not realizing we really can't achieve it. No matter how hard we try we always end up here.. Sad, dissapointed and depressed.

I'm done with that.

again, again

Been staring at the computer for the past couple of hours going through website after website looking searching so desperately for this oh so elusive jobs. i never thought it would be so hard ro get one. when you're employed everything feels so monotonous and exhausting but once you're out in the world your bank account running on empty it's easy t\and oh so clear how important this employment thing really is.
can't believe I've stayed home so long, figured in a couple of weeks I'd be back in with the rest of the working world but seems not to be the case. so i take a deep breath and and pray for the best hope this time will be the one. it's not so easy though when you have held yourself to such high standards. not easy at all when you see all the needs the family has and how helpless it makes you feel.
anyway I'll get back to my job hunting, the job won't find itself.